You might not feel as though you are burnt out.
You are still getting up, going to work, looking after your family and doing the things that need to be done. From the outside, you may even appear to be coping well.
But perhaps everything feels harder than it used to.
You might feel constantly tired but struggle to switch off. Small things irritate you. You have less patience with the people around you. You find yourself withdrawing, cancelling plans or feeling overwhelmed by things you would normally manage.
Sometimes burnout doesn't look like suddenly being unable to cope. It can be a much slower process of becoming emotionally and physically exhausted while continuing to function.
What does burnout feel like?
Burnout can be experienced differently by different people, but you may notice:
feeling emotionally or physically exhausted
becoming irritable or easily overwhelmed
struggling to concentrate or make decisions
feeling detached from work or other people
losing motivation for things you previously enjoyed
finding it difficult to relax, even when you have time to yourself
feeling guilty when you aren't being productive
becoming more anxious or emotionally reactive
withdrawing from friends, family or your partner
feeling as though you are constantly "running on empty"
Sometimes people don't recognise these changes as signs that they are struggling. Instead, they tell themselves they should be coping better.
Why do I keep pushing myself?
This is something I often find interesting within my work as an attachment-based counsellor.
For some people, constantly doing, achieving or looking after other people can have much deeper roots.
Perhaps you learnt early in life that being helpful, capable or independent gained approval. Maybe asking for help didn't feel comfortable or you became accustomed to managing things yourself.
You might have become the person other people rely on.
Over time, beliefs can develop such as:
"I should be able to cope."
"Other people have it worse than me."
"I don't want to let anyone down."
"I'll rest when everything is finished."
The difficulty is that everything is rarely finished.
Work, relationships, parenting, finances and everyday responsibilities continue, and your own needs can gradually move further down the list.
When rest doesn't feel restful
One of the confusing things about feeling overwhelmed is that simply having some time off doesn't always solve it.
You may finally sit down and immediately think about everything you should be doing.
You might reach for your phone, check emails, tidy the house or start planning tomorrow.
Sometimes slowing down can actually feel uncomfortable.
If you have spent a long time being busy, useful or needed, stopping can create space for feelings that haven't had much opportunity to be noticed.
This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It may simply mean that being busy has become one of the ways you have learnt to manage difficult feelings, uncertainty or anxiety.
Burnout and relationships
Feeling exhausted doesn't only affect work.
When our emotional resources are depleted, it can become harder to regulate how we respond to other people.
You might become more irritable with your partner, need more reassurance, avoid conversations or withdraw because you don't have the energy to engage.
Arguments can become more frequent and minor disagreements can suddenly feel much bigger.
From an attachment perspective, periods of stress can also make familiar relationship patterns more noticeable.
Some people seek greater reassurance and closeness when overwhelmed, while others pull away and need distance. Neither response necessarily means that something is wrong with the relationship; it can be useful to become curious about what happens to you when you don't feel emotionally secure.
Do I need counselling for burnout?
You don't need to reach a crisis before considering counselling.
Sometimes therapy begins with something as simple as:
"I don't really know what's wrong. I just don't feel like myself anymore."
Counselling can give you a space where you don't need to perform, achieve or look after somebody else.
Together, we can explore what has been happening in your life, the expectations you place upon yourself and any patterns that might be contributing to how you are feeling.
Rather than simply finding ways to help you cope with an increasingly overwhelming situation, counselling can also help us become curious about why you feel you need to keep coping in the first place.
That might involve exploring boundaries, relationships, self-esteem, attachment patterns, anxiety or the expectations you have learnt to place upon yourself.
Understanding these patterns can help you begin making changes that feel meaningful and sustainable.
Counselling for stress, anxiety and burnout in Plymouth and online
If you recognise yourself in some of what I've written, you don't have to wait until things become unmanageable before reaching out.
I offer integrative, attachment-based counselling in Plymouth and online across the UK, providing a warm and supportive space where we can explore what is happening for you and begin to understand what you might need.
You are welcome to contact me to arrange an initial consultation or to ask any questions about how counselling might support you.
